Dash MacIntyre’s Internet Humor
This is my portfolio of comedy published various places mixing existentialist irony, Dadaist absurdity, liberal graffiti news, and societal satire.
The Aqueduct New Deal Will Destroy Rome
My fellow Romans, I write to warn you of a grave threat to the Roman economy and way of life. The progressives are at…
Noah Says He's Sorry for Bringing Chlamydia on the Ark
Noah from the Bible would like to apologize for bringing the following species on the Ark: Chlamydia: "I maybe should…
Dark Spinoff Ideas For Characters From “The Office”
Let’s take some of The Office characters’ stories to absurdist conclusions
If Women Wrote Laws As Sexist As Republican Men…
The gutting of Roe Vs. Wade by the new conservative supermajority on the Supreme Court has really turned a page for the…
A Newly Discovered STD Was Just Named After Donald Trump
A recent discovery of a new sexually transmitted disease has just given President Donald Trump his life’s latest honor.
I'm Beginning to Suspect My Cult Leader Isn't Committed to Transcending Existence Tomorrow
Leader Ron Jupiter of the Church of Imminent Salvation has for several years been my guide to personal healing and…
Insane Texts Have Already Been Found On Alex Jones’s Phone
Alex Jones’s lawyer accidentally gave the opposing lawyer the entirety of the contents of his phone… Oops!
Rejected HuffPost Personal Essay Titles
Unfortunately, some people’s personal perspectives aren’t compelling, rational, or considerate. The following personal…
Highbrow Criticism Of Lowbrow Graffiti
Photo by MART PRODUCTION on Pexels.com A drawing of a penis in a bar bathroom This optical suggestion of nudity…
Elisha From The Bible Explains Why He Made 2 Bears Maul 42 Children
A long-awaited explanation from the prophet of the Bible’s 2 Kings
Elective Classes Offered At The University Of Self-Destructive Wokeness
Enroll today at the university with the lowest admissions acceptance rate and a 0% graduation rate!
Biologists Have Translated The Dolphin Language, And They Say It’s Filled With Slur Words For…
Efforts to interpret the language skills of highly intelligent and sociable dolphins go back decades.
A Casual Reminder That These Are Literally The Lyrics To The Ramones’ “Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue”
A classic punk song by the Ramones, allegedly written about peer pressure influencing one’s quest to find meaning in…
Attention Everyone: Rebecca Is Taking A Break From Social Media
Only introspective authenticity from now on!
Alien’s Advice For Humans’ Evolutionary Defects
I am a diplomat from the Galactic Federation, and your planetary species has finally reached a point where…
A Chubby Man Just Told A Woman “If You Lost Like 10 lbs You’d Be Hotter”
In a stunning act of hypocrisy, local chubby man Derek McGraw told his female co-worker, Sarah Phelps, “You know, if…
McDonalds Fans Say Grimace Has Betrayed The Body Positivity Movement After Losing 250 Pounds
His amazing weight-loss has earned both praise and criticism
A Homophobic Televangelist Claims His Gay Sex Tape Is “All A Big Misunderstanding”
A video Facebook post from infamously homophobic televangelist Rick Palermo of the Assembly of Leviticus has gone viral…
Everyone Hates Ted Cruz
A list of the top things Cruz’s political colleagues have said about him
There’s A New Toy Trend For Christian Girls: “Fetus Dolls”
The newest viral toy for girls in Christian families is a novel take on the classic doll toy: Fetus Dolls.
Updated Corporate Slogans That Aren’t In Any Way Problematic
Wheaties: “The breakfast of everyone who participates.”
Awful Things Trump Has Said About Our Other Presidents
Barack Obama: “President Obama lied about his weight on his presidential physicals! He weighed way more than the low…
Facebook’s Algorithm Is Ruining Everyone’s Life (Except Mine Because I Only Get Puppy Videos)
America is in algorithmic crisis, but here’s how to fix it!
Come Pick And Choose At The Christian Cafeteria
Welcome to the Christian Cafeteria, where we assure you we have the widest ideological selection of Judeo-Christian…
A Former White House Staffer Just Leaked Crazy Trump Secrets!
Trump kept several framed Rubik’s Cubes on shelves in the Oval Office he told foreign leaders and diplomats that he…
Not Millennials’ Fault
A pre-teen boy in cleats and a baseball jersey strolled into the trophy store today. His shirt number was twelve, and…
The Office: Coronavirus Special
OPENING GAG: [Jim walks in, finds Dwight has moved his desk 6-ft away.] DWIGHT "Coronavirus, Jim, how do I know you…
BonnarQ-Anon’s Festival Lineup Just Dropped!
The summer festival season is upon us, and this year’s BonnarQ Music & Arts Festival has a bomb lineup! Friday 10pm: DJ…
Guess The US President By His Slutty Pickup Line
“Hey girl, wanna climb to the top of Mt. Vernon?”
Buy my Dada journalism book “Satire In The Trump Years: The Best Of The Halfway Post.” It’s a retrospective on four years of comedy by America’s most halfway real news source. Here’s its Amazon link:
Satire In The Trump Years: The Best Of The Halfway Post
Satire In The Trump Years: The Best Of The Halfway Post [MacIntyre, Dash] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying…
And here’s some poetry I’ve published at The Lark:
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