Body-Positivity

McDonalds Fans Say Grimace Has Betrayed The Body Positivity Movement After Losing 250 Pounds

His amazing weight-loss has earned both praise and criticism

Dash MacIntyre

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(Photo a screenshot from this 1994 McDonalds commercial)

The McDonalds mascot character Grimace just posted several photos on Instagram showing off an incredible weight-loss of 250 pounds, but reactions to his new slim figure have varied.

“I think these last couple COVID years really got me into a dark place,” explained Grimace in his Instagram post. “I found myself really struggling with my mental health after my girlfriend Wendy from the Wendy’s restaurants dumped me to quarantine with the Hamburglar instead of me. It turns out he doesn’t just burglarize hamburgers, he burglarizes his best friend’s heart as well!”

Grimace then detailed what his rock bottom looked like.

“So for a long time eating was the only joy throughout the long, lonely days of social isolation while I thought about ordering a hundred McFlurries, dumping them into my bathtub, and drowning myself in the soft serve ice cream. I actually tried to go through with it several times, but I just kept eating the entire tub’s worth of cream. I was a real disgusting, purple piece of shit. Last summer I was at my lowest, but finally something clicked in my head and I just committed myself 100% to channeling my grief at the thought of the Hamburglar burglarizing Wendy’s pussy every night toward working out. It took several months of exercising for hours every day and dedicated dieting, but now I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been!”

While most commentators praised Grimace for his physical transformation, some body positivity advocates say Grimace has betrayed them.

“Grimace is just the latest celebrity to give in to the beauty industry’s unattainable standards,” said Sally McCoy, founder of the magazine Healthy At Any Size Monthly. “I don’t want to call him a traitor to our cause, or a coward who is too scared to stand up to the size-ist bullies in our culture, but he should have stayed a big, fat, purple… whatever he is.”

Grimace, however, says he ignores the criticism.

“My body has been objectified for decades, so it’s nothing new for me,” Grimace said. “People have always been calling me a tubby, and poking me in the tummy, and asking me if I should really be eating 12 Filets-O-Fish at a time, but I was just as body-positive at 400 pounds as I am now at 150. You know, it’s not my job to validate other people’s self-consciousness about their weight, and all the body-positivity activists out there should maybe show me some of the compassion they want everyone to show them.”

Meanwhile, Grimace says he’s confident he’ll keep the weight off for good.

“I can see my penis for the first time since the 70s!” he exclaimed. “You hear that, Wendy? You’ll no longer have to spend the first ten minutes trying to find it and dig it out! So come back, Wendy, and get grimy with Grimace like you used to! I’ll let you do anything you want to my body… anything!”

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Dash MacIntyre
Dash MacIntyre

Written by Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.

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