Noah Says He Maybe Shouldn’t Have Brought Chlamydia Along On The Ark
(Published first at Points In Case)
Noah from the Bible would like to say “Sorry” for saving the following species from the Great Flood:
Chlamydia: “I maybe should have drawn a line with God on bacteria, viruses, and diseases, but God wasn’t in a very conciliatory mood at the time. The Big Guy really used to rage. You think He’s a tough guy in the New Testament, you should have seen Him in the Old Testament days! And the Ark’s storage technology wasn’t very good so I had to incubate these nasty diseases myself, if you know what I mean. I had to eat some nasty, disgusting things to ingest all the parasites, and make a few weekend trips to Sodom and Gomorrah for all the venereal diseases. I did some things I am not proud of. And, let me tell you, you might think living 950 years sounds nice, but it isn’t so great when it burns every time you pee! I’d also like to apologize to my daughters. Unfortunately, the only way to get humanity going again when we landed involved a lot of incest.”
Pandas: “I always thought pandas were a pretty useless species. They’re big, dumb, only eat one kind of plant, and are bad at reproducing. Getting the pandas to bang and procreate is hard enough now in 2023 with your videotaped panda porn and state-of-the-art breeding…
