Jesus Wants To Know Why “Christians” Aren’t Jewish
Jesus Christ returned today 2,000 years after His crucifixion, and, following a brief look around Earth, apparently got angry at what he saw.
“What the f*ck is a Christian?” Jesus demanded. “When did I say you didn’t have to be Jewish? Oh, that’s right, I didn’t! I’m a Jew! I ate only boring, kosher food, and I skipped out on eating shrimp and pork, and I never ate the fat of meat! You know why? Because the Bible is unambiguously clear that all the fat on meat must be offered to God! Seriously, who made up the rule that my followers don’t have to be Jewish? I don’t want to go around checking everyone’s penises to see who is circumcised, but I’ll do it if I have to!”
Several bystanders reportedly didn’t know what to say. One of them suggested it was St. Paul who went around converting Greeks instead of Jews.
“Who the f*ck is Paul?” continued Jesus. “And what’s a saint? I don’t remember any Pauls in My Disciples. There were only twelve, you know? If he had been there, I think I’d remember him! And what’s all this Catholic sh*t? When did I do any of that bullsh*t? What the f*ck is a Pope, and who gives a sh*t about them living in Rome? Did I ever live in Rome? No! And why aren’t any women involved in the church? Trust Me, every crew needs a prostitute. I never said all the churches’ leadership had to be total…
