This is my portfolio of comedy published various places mixing existentialist irony, Dadaist absurdity, liberal graffiti news, and societal satire. — COMEDY ARTICLES The Aqueduct New Deal Will Destroy Rome My fellow Romans, I write to warn you of a grave threat to the Roman economy and way of life. The progressives are at…www.mcsweeneys.net Noah Says He's Sorry for Bringing Chlamydia on the Ark Noah from the Bible would like to apologize for bringing the following species on the Ark: Chlamydia: "I maybe should…www.pointsincase.com

Print this off, and stick it in a hotel Bible. — Certainly our medieval peasant saints had a host of selfish vices and moments of violently marvelous malevolent fun. I can’t wait till my moments of unfairness are forgotten like diamond rings dropped somewhere in miles of beach sand, and my buried ill-mannered interactions are erased from memory and the record…

A MAGA fan from Arkansas regularly mails me letters full of editorial demands and threats. — A MAGA fan from Arkansas mailed me a letter full of editorial demands hoping I’d start to publish articles with the kind of content she wanted to see. She also claimed that she had spoken with God, and that He demanded I immediately begin writing pro-Trump content. It was quite…

Here’s a sneak peak of what they look like. — Donald Trump’s money laundering scheme — I mean once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunity — of NFT trading cards made him so much money, he’s bringing them back for a second batch! This batch continues the first batch’s comic book hero themes, but it adds his fellow Republican presidential primary opponents as his…

And other Dada news headlines! — Remember that each of these Dada news headlines are certifiably halfway true: A group of 35 MAGA fans in Idaho are on a hunger strike, and say they will not eat again until every corporation in America renounces homosexuality. Target employees say they can monitor when right wing, anti-gay protesters are coming to their store from the map on Grindr that shows…

Psychologists are not typically supposed to clinically evaluate people from afar, but Donald Trump has toxically injected himself so deeply into America’s daily consciousness with ludicrous egomania that it’s impossible even for amateur psychologists to inaccurately evaluate Trump’s lead-soaked, dumb, little brain based on his public, sociopathic behavior: When he…

Ted Cruz will do ANYTHING if he thinks it will help him run for president. — Senator Ted Cruz was widely mocked this morning for sucking up to President Donald Trump in the most opportunistic way imaginable: admitting Trump was right when he called Heidi Cruz, his wife, ugly. Cruz displayed his loyalty to the President in the following Twitter thread: “I am fully endorsing President…

A family scheme that would have sparked a Constitutional crisis. — According to White House insiders, Ivanka Trump tried to convince her father, President Donald Trump, to fire Vice President Mike Pence for the last few weeks of his presidency so that she could replace him and add “Vice President” to her resumé. “Trump was amenable to the idea of injecting…

America’s school children are offered in sacrifice to the gun lobby’s god, Moloch. — The US is so numb to chronic mass shootings that only double-digit murders break through the national news cycle anymore. While obstructing the most basic gun control reforms, Republicans offer only their thoughts and prayers. Which has done, currently does, and will do absolutely nothing for our epidemic of carnage…