Trump Staffers Keep Bragging That He Lied About Not Using Project 2025

Dash MacIntyre
5 min readJan 23, 2025
Official White House photo by Tia Dufour | via Flickr.com Public Domain CC 1.0

An anonymous Trump staffer just admitted that Project 2025 still has a green light in the new Trump Administration because, “Trump doesn’t read, and has no clue how government works, so we’re doing Project 25 no matter how many times Trump claimed in the election that he knew nothing about our agenda.”

Authors of Project 2025 says voters can think of its social platform as a “masculine rebuttal to #MeToo, Woke, and DEI” and “Jim Crow for women.”

The following are the first year priorities for Project 2025 that the group’s executives will lobby the Republican Congress for, or write executive orders for Trump to sign:

  • Bring back pray-away-the-gay camps for kids that will be like mini bootcamps for a “Trump Youth” style pilot program.
  • National funding for public schools to have annual purity balls starting in 3rd grade.
  • The renunciation of the heliocentric model of the solar system, and forcing the return to the Christian geocentric.
  • The institution of “gaydar detectors” inside every federal building.
  • Bringing back child labor, reinstituting child marriage, and lowering the age of consent nationally from 18 to “girls’ fathers’ permission.”
  • Amending the Congressional rules to going back to banning women legislators from wearing pants.
  • Endorsing a high school history book that omits the Civil Rights Era.
  • Defunding of all sex-ed programs in public schools, except for a new one to be financed called “Eve’s Great Mistake” which goes into gratuitous (but surprisingly — credit to them — biologically accurate) detail about menstruation, and at the end is a pledge for all girls to sign officially apologizing for Eve’s mistake of eating the fruit in the Garden of Eden.
  • Funding a government initiative to “disprove once and for all the female orgasm.”
  • Women will be obligated to carry “period passports” that track their menstrual cycles and must be kept up to date, and women must present these to police officers during random ID checks to monitor pregnancies.
  • The institution of a federal tribunal to adjudicate “Women’s Crimes,” and a committee to study Iran’s morality police to try to adopt a similar police force in the US.
  • The Department of Health and Human Services will give Stephen Miller a grant of $250,000 to try his experiments on “human centipedes.”
  • Bringing prayer back into schools so that the children can help pray for all of America’s elderly and infirm who will lose their Social Security, Obamacare, and Medicare.
  • A Congressional resolution proclaiming that plastic surgery is okay with God for Christian women because they need to keep their looks to ensure their husbands stay monogamous, but is not okay for any trans people.
  • A demand for all corporations to start updating their Christmas branding so all depictions of Santa Claus and his wife make them not childless because it’s “sending the wrong message” to childless cat ladies, and it’s “a little odd that Santa hangs around so many little boy elves.”
  • Outlaw divorce, but US presidents have “executive privilege” so Trump can divorce Melania if he wants to, for example, get a new wife who will make for a better “tradwife” model for America’s Christian girls and young women to emulate, and be obedient, quiet, submissive wives “like the Bible wants.”
  • Reforming the national security policies on storage of top secret documents and the declassification process so that Trump can keep as many classified files anywhere he wants.
  • Abolishing the FBI and CIA so that no one bothers the president with nosey investigations or subpoenas into what countries or which dictators he’s showing what classified documents on our nuclear technology and our military positions throughout the world.
  • DNA checks after every time used tampons are sent through the mail by Gen Z protesters who are sick of the anti-women perverts obsessed with controlling women.
  • Censoring Disney if they continue casting Black actors or resolving their storylines without the female protagonist getting married and giving up her fierce independence in order to faithfully serve her husband.
  • Unveiling an “Official Iconography of the Messiah” document that demands all public representations of Jesus feature Him as having blonde hair, blue eyes, side abs, and a BMI no higher than 20.5.
  • Claiming the world is getting hotter not because of climate change but because of sin, and that’s why all birth control must be banned with the reinstatement of the archaic Comstock Act from 1873. Once birth control is no longer offered as a tool of women’s health, the climate will get cooler because God will be less angry.
  • Firing 3,000 government bureaucrats, and replace them with the incels who can’t get dates even on Trump adviser John McEntee’s MAGA dating app called “Red Flags,” because they’ll have the kind of loyalty dictators can only get from creating a homoerotic, paramilitary cult zealous in its misogyny and racism to thanks to the only bit of power, (coerced) respect, and sense of belonging they’ve ever had.
  • A legislative push for bestiality to no longer be illegal because of its service to occupying the sexual frustrations of horny, young, potential incels, just a little frowned upon and not too directly encouraged.
  • Increasing government spending to “study and prevent alien abductions and their subsequent anal probes.”
  • Cousin marriage should not only be legal, but endorsed in order to double down on Real American families’ white and Christian genetics in their kids’ DNA. Also, incestual genetic decline is a liberal hoax and scam, just like climate change, COVID, and washing your hands after the bathroom.
  • New ICE uniform funding so ICE can be dressed and styled by Hugo Boss to look sharp and imposing while conducting their raids in workplaces, churches, businesses, hospitals, and anywhere else.
  • The last plank of the Project 25 platform is titled “Concentration Camps,” but is blank save for just one sentence that says, “TBD, still waiting to see where on the dictator scale from one to Hitler that Congressional Republicans will let Trump go.” 🥃

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Dash MacIntyre
Dash MacIntyre

Written by Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.

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