DADA NEWS!
Trump Hopes Betraying Ukraine Won’t Hurt His Chances For A Nobel Peace Prize
And this week’s other Dada News headlines!
4 min read2 days ago
- Donald Trump is reportedly furious after finding out the Nobel Peace Prize isn’t an American award, and it’s actually run by a committee of Scandinavians who 100% support Ukraine.
- Following the Trump Administration’s declaration that Elon Musk is just an “adviser” and not a DOGE administrator to protect him from being sued for wrongful termination lawsuits, his incel DOGE twinks could reportedly be thrown out of all government buildings soon.
- Trump is reportedly furious that Europeans are planning to ignore him and ramp up Ukraine support to force Putin into signing a pro-Ukraine deal without Trump being invited to any of the talks or photo-ops.
- MAGA farmers across the nation are upset because Trump was supposed to make liberals cry, not make Canadians boycott their crops and bankrupt them.
- Children of top Trump staffers who come to the White House reportedly keep laughing at Trump’s orange face, and asking him if he’s an Oompa Loompa.
- A federal judge says he has no choice except to ban the government from displaying any pictures of Trump because his fake hair is considered “gender-affirming” by the strict phrasing of Trump’s own executive orders.
- Trump is reportedly threatening to ban Elon Musk’s 4-year-old son from the White House if he gets called “Orange Face” one more time.
- Elon Musk’s 4-year-old son reportedly keeps asking administration officials if anyone else notices that Trump’s face is “the wrong color” and that he smells really bad.
- Trump is reportedly livid with Elon Musk for upstaging him yesterday, and today suggested to reporters that, if he revokes all of Musk’s government contracts and sinks Tesla’s stock price, Musk “might not be so rich anymore, and might even have to sell Twitter.”
- Representative Nancy Mace reportedly freaked out today in the women’s bathroom after seeing Marjorie Taylor Greene’s sandaled feet under the door of the bathroom stall and mistaking them for a man’s feet.
- The televangelist who claimed if the Chiefs won the Super Bowl the Apocalypse would spark from Travis Kelce proposing to Taylor Swift, marrying her, and conceiving and birthing the antichrist who would grow up to destroy the world says, “We really dodged a bullet.”
- Officials for ICE say they are now begging citizens to stop calling their hotline 24/7 to report Elon Musk as an illegal immigrant who should be deported.
- Trump has only one week left to defeat William Henry Harrison’s 32-day record of shortest presidency and fastest death in office.
- When Trump’s physician was asked this morning if Trump’s heart would last another four years, he said he’s “not at liberty to disclose the President’s health records,” but gave a thumbs down gesture and winked.
- Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts just pulled out a shotgun during his weekly press conference and said, “I’ve had enough of the executive branch pushing the judicial branch around.”
- Gen Z kids hanging around Mar-a-Lago because their parents are members reportedly keep repeating Elon Musk’s son’s iconic words at Trump when he walks by, telling him to go away and that he’s not the real president.
- With the two week deadline Trump gave himself to release the Epstein files expiring, Trump now says they’ll be ready in “just one more two weeks.”
- Republicans are reportedly fuming because Elon Musk has terminated the secret fund that pays for the GOP’s infamous coke orgies.
- Top Evangelical leaders around the country say they’re beginning to feel used after Trump has not answered any of their phone calls since winning reelection.
- A very confused Eric Trump reportedly just asked his dad if Elon Musk is now his brother.
- A new poll found that 54% of Americans believe Trump will wreck the economy, rob the public treasury, collapse the federal government, trash the Constitution, betray all our allies, wreck the US-led global order, and then die without facing any consequences.
- Republican members of Congress are reportedly terrified Elon Musk might direct D.O.G.E. to look into how many of them took massive, undeserved PPP loans during COVID.
- Top Republican officials are reportedly beginning to worry their voters’ conspiracy theories about vaccines amidst growing epidemics of measles, tuberculosis, and flu will someday lead to a permanent Democratic majority in the government.
- A truck carrying 10 porta-potties used for this weekend’s “Florida State Chili Contest” just flipped over right in front of the entrance to Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort, spilling out excretory waste everywhere. 🥃
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