OOMPFH!
There Is Nothing Sexier Than Whispering In My Ear, “I Vote Democratic”
It’s very funny how often conservative men complain about dating being hard because women are disgusted in Republican politics and Donald Trump. Liberal men have it easier dating women because they’re not morons impressed by the patriarchal totalitarianism of a blatantly fascist, sexist, racist demagogue who has literally been judged in a court of law by a jury of his peers to be a sexual criminal.
So if conservative men can’t get a date, maybe try being liberal and consider some political issues from a perspective not your own for a change! It really turns on women if you’re not a dummy supporting a wannabe dictator and other sociopathic billionaires who don’t actually care about you or America at all!
Then you can whisper in your crush’s ears, “I vote straight-ticket Democrat,” and not be ghosted!
Here are some other things you can whisper in women’s ears to turn them on:
Liberals want your life to not suck.
Unions made your life not suck.
Make America Idealistic Again.
Privatize corporate losses, not profits.
Earth would never vote Republican.
It’s okay to call anti-vaxxers stupid because they’re helping babies get the measles.
Fascists’ victories are always as pyrrhic as their failures are inevitable.
Don’t burn out. Stay informed. Stand up to the status quo exploiters.
I’m liberal because I’m not a selfish moron.
Get conservatives high: it turns them liberal for an hour!
I support the LGBTQ+ community because other people being happy makes me happy, and I am not a sociopath.
Read, write, and share banned books. If conservatives have banned them, you KNOW they’re good!
Higher estate taxes means less douchey trust fund babies.
If we really ran the government like a business, we’d fire most of the red states for underperforming.
From the environment to healthcare, if someone’s getting rich you’re getting screwed.
Every year the minimum wage doesn’t increase, America gets an inflationary pay cut.
Billionaires have to pick one: higher taxes or higher wages.
There’s no better return on investment than education.
America’s next generation is the ultimate startup.
Remember: no one benefits from political-correctness more than Republican politicians because it’s politically incorrect to call them lying fucking idiots in public.
Republicans being the party of fiscal responsibility is the greatest myth in American history.
Mocking fascists never goes out of style.
You know who doesn’t jack up the price of simple, life-saving medicine by 1,000% overnight for no legitimate reason? The government operating at cost and providing health insurance as a civic right.
At some point, chronic corporate climate polluters will need to go to jail.
Evolution does not say humans evolved from monkeys, and if you think it does you’re too uninformed about biology to debate!
Liberal atheists are the moral center of America.
The kids in high school who didn’t trust me because I was liberal and atheist are now liberal and atheist.
Christians figuratively and literally can’t be against helping refugees and immigrants.
Deuteronomy 28:53 — God promises to cause a terrible war that will make everyone eat their own children.
Instead of being a bigot, just be quiet!
Psst: you can still compliment women, you just can’t say anything that implies you want to have sex with them. It’s so easy to compliment women in ways that do not do that.
Nothing is more American than wanting to be one and becoming one.
Immigrants are better Americans than the Americans who hate immigrants.
America is much younger, darker, more urban, less Christian, poorer, and more liberal than our Congress.
The USA is not a racist ethnostate, pass it on.
Real Americans resist fascism. Wherever. Whenever.
Nobody likes Ted Cruz.
You don’t have to be gay to love gay marriage
Republican presidents = economic crashes
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Check out my poetry book Cabaret No Stare, available in print and on Kindle.
Also check out my book “Satire In The Trump Years: The Best Of The Halfway Post,” available on Barnes & Noble and Amazon.
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