AMERICA FIRST!

Send The Trumps Back To Where They Came From

Germany was not sending its best when Frederick Trump came here in 1885

The Trump family is unAmerican. They hate democracy, have no respect for our culture of peaceful transitions of power, and never pay taxes. They don’t belong here, and are past due for going back to where they came from.

When Donald Trump’s grandfather, Frederick Trump — born with the sketchy, foreign-sounding name Friedrich — came to the US in 1885 so he could avoid compulsory military service, Germany was, frankly, not sending its best people.

Germany was rounding up all its worst people, it’s craziest and most deranged straight from the insane asylums, and sending them here. Germany was laughing at America, and mocking us for our stupidity. Germany was not our friend, believe me. They were killing us economically, and they tried to sabotage us by sending the worst people imaginable here — the Trumps.

It’s true. In 1885 Germany was not sending you or me, they were sending people with lots of problems. And those immigrants brought those problems here. They brought drugs, they brought crime, they were rapists, and some, I assume, were good people. But the Trumps definitely were not good people. They smelled bad, they were repeat sex offenders — they were vermin.

The Trumps were the worst of the worst. They had giant, cantaloupe-sized calves from hauling so many problems on their backs to America. And a lot of people are saying they have hate for us in their hearts, and they want to destroy us. You wouldn’t believe the things the Trumps want to do to America. They really have no respect for us, or our customs, or our way of life. It’s a terrible thing. They say America is the great melting pot, but the Trumps just never mixed in. They kept their alien traditions of lying, and cheating, and stealing, and crying wolf over election fraud, and inciting violent coups.

I’ve read the reports of the American border guards back in the 1880s, and everyone was talking about it. They wrote all about the nasty immigrant Trumps we were getting, who immediately started committing fraud. They said it was like America had gotten an STD that wouldn’t go away! They couldn’t believe the Trumps we were getting. We had no protection, and no competence. The Trumps came over to start brothels, and sell us worthless steaks, and scar our city skylines, and declare bankruptcy instead of paying their debts, and have gross friendships with serial pedophiles, and sue everyone. And they’ve been doing it ever since. We should have built a wall to keep the Trumps out a long time ago.

It’s common sense that Germany was not sending good people in the 1880s. They weren’t sending the doctors, or the business people, or the geniuses. They were sending the lowest of the low. And no one was lower in the 1880s than the German Trumps. The Trumps were very bad people. And we shouldn’t let them stay here. We need to get them out. Send them back to Germany!

The Trumps have done enough damage to America, and it’s about time we took our country back. America is for Americans, not the Trumps! 🥃

☕ Enjoy my comedy and political commentary? Buy me a coffee!

But first subscribe to my Substack The Halfway Café to get my work right to your inbox.

Check out my Linktree for all my digital branches, but definitely follow The Halfway Post on Twitter or Threads to interrupt your daily political doomscrolling with my Dada News.

If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published the book for you: “Satire In The Trump Years: The Best Of The Halfway Post,” available on Barnes & Noble and Amazon. I also have two poetry books full of Millennial existentialism, Cabaret No Stare and Moon Goon available in print and on Kindle.

Browse my comedy portfolio, my Dada News portfolio, and my poetry portfolio.