QAnon Has Turned On Trump For Nominating So Many Sex Offenders
And this week’s other Dada News headlines!
- QAnon says the Deep State must have gotten to Trump and tricked him into hiring a cabinet full of sex offenders, and that patriots should no longer be loyal to Trump if he’s compromised by traffickers and rapists.
- Donald Trump’s nominee for Deputy of Agricultural Land Management has been banned from 13 Hooters restaurants across 6 states.
- A new poll found that 86% of Twitter users are getting tired of seeing the AI superhero photos Elon Musk posts of himself at the top of their feeds even though they don’t follow him and never interact with his tweets.
- The new health trend among MAGA fans is using dozens of leeches to “purify the toxins, fluoride, and childhood vaccines from their blood.”
- McDonald’s executives are reportedly deliberating about offering Trump free food for life if he’ll exempt them from his tariffs.
- Fox News says Pete Hegseth’s drinking and harassing of female coworkers is “no worse than the average male Fox News employee.”
- The homophobic televangelist who sells crucifix necklaces with a naked, fit Donald Trump on them instead of Jesus to afford platinum membership to Mar-a-Lago reportedly just got asked to stop spending hours every day in the Mar-a-Lago men’s locker room.
- A new poll found that 93% of Americans don’t want to know what Stephen Miller is doing right now.
- Senate Republicans are reportedly refusing invitations to Mar-a-Lago out of concern Trump will try to catch them in honeypot traps.
- The gay dating app Grindr is reportedly thinking about selling an advent calendar called “25 Gays Until Christmas” where each day they reveal a homophobic “Christian Values” Republican member of Congress who uses the app for hookups.
- Kash Patel’s mom says he watches way too much porn during the day to be Director of the FBI.
- An armed MAGA protester with Trump flags on his truck and a Bible in his hand is having trouble explaining how he’s different than ISIS.
- Top Evangelical leaders around the country say they’re beginning to feel used after Trump has not answered any of their phone calls since winning reelection.
- Trump has appointed himself ambassador to a dozen countries so he can have 13 government salaries.
- MAGA fans in Idaho have started kneeling on the floor and praying in the direction of Mar-a-Lago five times a day since Trump won the election.
- A Fox News executive says that if Fox had to fire Pete Hegseth for all the allegations against him, they’d have to fire half the network.
- Trump has reportedly sidelined JD Vance because he’s worried Vance will lead a 25th Amendment coup to replace him as president.
- Pete Hegseth’s mom says he conquered his addiction to chronic masturbation in high school, and it won’t impact his ability to serve as Secretary of Defense.
- Donald Trump promises this year his taxes will be 100% accurate with no fraud this time.
- Marjorie Taylor Greene says if Tulsi Gabbard isn’t confirmed by the Senate, she’ll reveal which members of Congress are getting paid by Putin.
- Donald Trump reportedly wants Congressional Republicans to rename the upcoming Martin Luther King Jr. Day after himself. 🥃
☕ Enjoy my comedy and political commentary? Buy me a coffee!
But first subscribe to my Substack The Halfway Café to get my work right to your inbox, and consider becoming a paid member so you can help me write full-time!
Check out my Linktree for all my digital branches, but definitely follow The Halfway Post on Twitter, Threads, or Bluesky to interrupt your daily political doomscrolling with my Dada News.
If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published the book for you: “Satire In The Trump Years: The Best Of The Halfway Post,” available on Barnes & Noble and Amazon. I also have two poetry books full of Millennial existentialism, Cabaret No Stare and Moon Goon available in print and on Kindle.
Browse my comedy portfolio, my Dada News portfolio, and my poetry portfolio.