BACK IN THE DATING POOL

Lauren Boebert’s Tinder Profile Was Just Found

Credit: Gage Skidmore | gageskidmore.com | via Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Lauren Boebert

— 37 years old

— Washington D.C. most of the year, Colorado the rest (which Congressional district I live in is very fluid at the moment)

Hey, y’all! You may know me from helping incite an insurrection, but on here I’m only trying to incite an erection… if you catch my drift! 😉

REQUIREMENTS

• THE PERFECT LOVER FOR ME is a mix between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin with a dash of Heinrich Himmler. MUST have strong authoritarian tendencies. I want a man who wants to be a dictator in the country AND in the bedroom, and nothing gets me hotter than a man willing to try a coup — again, in the country AND in the bedroom.
• UNVACCINATED ONLY. I won’t date any sheep who don’t do their own research, and just blindly trust medical professionals. I only get my medical advice from websites with the word “Freedom” in their URLs.
• MUST KNOW WHAT “FJB” MEANS. I don’t know how, but that’s what I involuntarily shout when we’re knocking boots.
• I LOVE GIVING HANDIES in liberal spaces, like theaters, college campuses, the Social Security office, and New York City. It owns the libs so hard.