Germany Was Not Sending Its Best When Frederick Trump Came In 1885

When Donald Trump’s grandfather, Frederick Trump (born with the super foreigner-sounding name Friederich), came to the US in 1885 so he could avoid compulsory military service, Germany was, frankly, not sending its best people.

The US back then was a dumping ground for Germany’s worst rejects. Germany was rounding up all its worst people, and sent them here. Germany was laughing at America, and mocking us for our stupidity. Germany was not our friend, believe me. They were killing us economically, and they tried to sabotage us by sending the worst people imaginable here.

It’s true. In 1885 Germany was not sending you, or me, they were sending people with lots of problems. And those immigrants brought those problems here. They brought drugs, they brought crime, they were rapists, and some, I assume, were good people.

But definitely not the Trumps. The Trumps were the worst of the worst. They had giant, cantaloupe-sized calves from hauling so many problems on their backs to America. They had hate for us in their hearts, and they wanted to destroy us. They really had no respect for us. It was a terrible thing.

I read the reports of the border guards back in the 1880s, and everyone was talking about it. They wrote all about the nasty immigrant Trumps we were…