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Did Trump Spend January 6th Huffing Sharpie Markers All Day?
Trump allies say he wasn’t derelict in his duties or treasonous during the insurrection, he was just high on Sharpie fumes
According to several Congressional aides, who requested anonymity to discuss secret, closed-door testimony provided to the January 6th Committee, President Donald Trump doesn’t just love writing with permanent makers, he may love huffing them as well.
“Several Trump staffers have defended the former president’s actions on January 6th by claiming Trump wanted to say something publicly to end the violence and send the rioters home, but he was just too high out of his mind from huffing his Sharpie permanent markers to film some kind of video or compose a tweet,” explained one J6 Committee aide.
Trump’s penchant for writing only with permanent markers is, of course, well documented.
“We have learned from several witnesses that it was Trump’s habit to go through a 12-pack of permanent markers each day,” continued the Congressional aide. “Trump would spend about an hour smelling each one before he’d yell out to anyone in the room that ‘the flavor is gone,’ and then pop off the cap of a new one. Witnesses have said this is why Trump occasionally slurred words and phrases in his speeches.”
The chemicals in permanent markers can produce a short-lasting woozy effect similar to getting stoned, but can also potentially cause long-term brain damage.
“Trump Administration officials have said that Trump’s infamous ‘covfefe’ tweet was published during a particularly intense marker bender,” explained a second Congressional staffer associated with the J6 Committee. “Trump began his presidency only huffing two markers a day, but the stresses of the job made him more dependent both mentally and physiologically on the short highs. His tolerance subsequently skyrocketed, and, toward the end of his presidency, particularly after all his legal challenges to the election were thrown out of court, we were told Trump spent his scheduled ‘Executive Hours’ wandering around the Oval Office semi-conscious in a marker fume-induced daze only copious lines of powderized Adderall could bring him out of. Unfortunately for the…
