DADA NEWS!

Elon Musk Hates It When You Call Teslas “Swasticars”

And this week’s other Dada News headlines!

Photo by Carter Baran on Unsplash

• Elon Musk is reportedly furious people keep calling Tesla vehicles “swasticars.”
• Elon Musk says the red armband he’s wearing with a “T” for Trump on it has nothing to do with nazism.
• ICE has reportedly been getting hundreds of phone calls every day from citizens citing Elon Musk’s apparent illegal immigration to the US.
• Tensions are reportedly rising among Trump staffers who say they can’t get the President to read anything, and he still doesn’t understand how bills become law.
• The feminist mafia group that calls itself “The Cliterati” says they are currently collecting all the sexually explicit texts that Republican members of Congress have sent to female staffers, and will publish them in a giant exposé in March.
• The second edition of the Trump Bible will reportedly edit out all the parts about helping the powerless that D.C. Bishop Mariann Budde referenced during her inaugural sermon.
• ICE just announced it is pausing the hotline where people can call to report undocumented immigrants because 90% of the calls are from people reporting Elon Musk.
• A conceptual artist in D.C. just installed 47 mushroom sculptures on the sidewalks of the streets around the White House.
• Canadian legislators have proposed a new bill to rename the Gulf of Mexico as “Biden Bay.”
• Trump is now selling gold colored “Trump Eggs” for $47 per dozen.
• Donald Trump’s doctor reportedly vetoed his plan to build a McDonald’s inside the White House saying, “The President’s heart has enough trouble pumping blood through his arteries already.”
• The governments of Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea have reportedly sent Pete Hegseth 1,000 bottles of liquor each to congratulate him.
• The Republican senator who sent sexually explicit texts to Cassidy Hutchinson was reportedly Chuck Grassley, aged 91.
• Trump now claims he “doesn’t remember” saying he’d make the price of eggs go down.
• The military is reportedly concerned about Pete Hegseth going through withdrawal from alcohol on the job.
• Donald Trump Jr. reportedly keeps asking his dad to let him go to Colombia so he can “make a deal” to end the trade war, and he says he “definitely won’t do any coke while over there.”
• Speaker of the House Mike Johnson reportedly saw a “regrettable number of penises” while reviewing the text messages Cassidy Hutchinson received from GOP House members.
• Climate scientists say Mar-a-Lago has a 75% chance of getting hit by a hurricane this year.
• The GOP has decided not to subpoena a gay Biden staffer’s texts to avoid several Republican House members’ illicit texts being revealed.
• Pentagon officials keep misspelling Pete Hegseth’s new anti-DEI initiatives as “anti-DUI initiatives” in memos, and then blaming auto-correct.
• Canada just announced it will be renaming Mt. Denali as “Mt. Dark Brandon.”
• So far, 6 MAGA fans have paid $150,000 each to Donald Trump to be buried on his golf course next to his ex-wife.
• The banker who infamously claimed Trump’s victory means everyone can now say “retard” and “pussy” again just got arrested for public masturbation.
• A petition for Cassidy Hutchinson to reveal which GOP House members sent her “explicit text messages” just surpassed 25 million signatures.
• The National Association of Doctors have given Donald Trump’s heart only a 25% chance of surviving his term, and his brain a 10% chance of cognitive preservation through 2028. 🥃

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