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The Weirdest Things About Trump Revealed So Far In His Trials

The testimonial depositions of Trump’s underlings and co-conspirators have unearthed some very odd stories about him.

Dash MacIntyre
4 min readOct 25, 2023
(Official White House photo (cropped) by Shealah Craighead | via Flickr.com Public Domain CC 1.0)
  • When Trump got COVID, he made Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham get it too so if they all died he’d have them to be his slaves in the afterlife.
  • In conversations with Evangelical Christian pastors, Trump regularly pronounced “Bible” like “bibble.”
  • Trump, apparently unaware of how tectonic plates and continental shelves work, asked the top general of the Marines if they could “swim under China” and then conduct a sneak attack from below.
  • Trump asked multiple times if he could sign his name on the Declaration of Independence with a Sharpie marker.
  • Trump used a homemade finger-lengthening contraption each morning for a half-hour to try and increase the appearance of his fingers.
  • Trump at various times accused China of bombing Pearl Harbor, claimed Christopher Columbus was our first president, and said that Abraham Lincoln could have ended the Civil War in one week by nuking the South.
  • Trump regularly pointed out to his military staffers that the top generals in Russia, North Korea, and Nazi Germany kill…

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Dash MacIntyre
Dash MacIntyre

Written by Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.

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