The Craziest Things Trump Asked His Generals To Do

Dash MacIntyre
3 min readAug 8, 2022


Was Trump the most deranged Commander-in-Chief America has ever had? Yes.

(Official White House Photo by Tia Dufour / Public Domain CC 1.0)

The New Yorker recently published a very long book excerpt from writers Peter Baker and Susan Glasser on how the top US military leaders were aghast at how unAmerican Donald Trump is and was while serving as Commander-in-Chief.

But the writers didn’t get every scoop on Trump’s military scandals. Here are some more batshit crazy things Trump reportedly did:

  • Trump, apparently unaware of how tectonic plates and continental shelfs work, asked the top general of the Marines if they could “swim under China” and then conduct a sneak attack from below.
  • Trump was very ignorant of military history, and at various times accused China of bombing Pearl Harbor, claimed Christopher Columbus was our first president, and said that Abraham Lincoln could have ended the Civil War in one week by nuking the South. He also once claimed it was Jesus who thought up the idea of using the wooden horse during the Trojan War.
  • Trump asked Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mark Milley if he could be retroactively awarded a Purple Heart for his bone spurs during Vietnam.
  • Trump thought Fox News’s “War on Christmas” was a real war, and demanded to know why the military was taking so long to win against a “bunch of gay little elves.”
  • Trump wanted to have a military parade, and ride along on top of America’s biggest nuclear missile until he soured on the idea when the military refused to waste taxpayer money to first paint all our nukes gold and add Trump’s signature on them.
  • Trump regularly pointed out to his military staffers that the top generals in Russia, North Korea, and Nazi Germany killed their Commander-in-Chiefs’ political enemies.
  • Trump wanted to occupy the state of New Mexico when he first became president because he thought it was actually full of Mexicans. Several times he shouted “Who let New Mexico become a state? Was it Obama? I bet it was Obama! Get me that treaty, I’m tearing it up right now!”
  • For some reason Trump really wanted the military to collect a toe from each terrorist they killed so he could…



Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Follow THP at to read my Dada news.