The Christmas Content At Fox News Has Gotten Real Weird

The Culture War is entering another “War On Christmas” season

Dash MacIntyre

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Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash
  • What If Democrats Had Aborted Jesus? A dramatic imagining of our Founding Fathers as Muslim terrorists, featuring El Binyamin Franklin, Tamam al-Jefferson, and Ghasan Washington, the first caliph of al-Ameriqaeda
  • Even Hitler Didn’t Blitzkrieg Christmas Like Democrats Have: a Laura Ingraham production featuring a “liberal Santa,” who has divorced Mrs. Claus to be gay with the elves, dyed his hair purple, and taken up the drinking of children’s blood
  • Globalism Vs The Messiah: a conspiratorial documentary alleging that George Soros’s long ago ancestors paid Pontius Pilate to kill Jesus, only Jesus didn’t die, and had kids in a direct family line that led many generations later to Donald Trump
  • God’s Chosen President: a propaganda film in North Korean style that claims Donald Trump was virgin-birthed, only golfs holes-in-one, and he does not pee or poop
  • How To Keep Your Testicles Tan Throughout The Dark Winter: a Tucker Carlson production advertising his new Tucker’s Testes 2.0 testicle tanning machines, which retail for $199.99
  • A Libertarian Christmas Carol: a remake where several ghosts visit Tiny Tim on Christmas Eve and inspire him to stop complaining and expecting free stuff, and to pull himself up by his crutches to become the very rich CEO of a coal mine with abysmal safety records that employs only children to save money on labor costs
  • Donald Trump Jr.’s Christmas Stories: Fox has agreed to give Don Jr. a weekly show on Sundays at 11pm to share memories of growing up with Donald Trump as his father, and whatever else comes to his head as he sniffles with glassy, red eyes that blink one time per minute
  • Gift Ideas From The NRA: a presentation on why AR-15s are a perfect Christmas gift for Christians to celebrate Jesus’s lamb-like mercy, love, and forgiveness to your enemies
  • Christmas Decorating With Melania Trump: a camera follows Melania as she grudgingly directs the placement of decorations at Mar-a-Lago looking repeatedly at pictures of White House Christmas decor from 2009–2016, and odd moments where her lips are moving…

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.