Man Wearing Three AR-15s Says He Feels Threatened By Biracial Couples
A group of Christian gun enthusiasts held a Second Amendment rally outside the Michigan state capitol building in Lansing this weekend, which attracted several protesters campaigning against Democratic proposals for moderate gun control reform.
Many of the demonstrators shared interesting ideas about guns, Jesus, and American society.
“Jesus would never stand for any infringement on one of our most sacred rights as American citizens, no matter how small the infringement was!” explained protester Jim Houghlin, 29, while showing off the various pistols he had brought to the rally. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally thankful that Jesus died for our sins on the cross, but Jesus wouldn’t have had to be crucified if the Second Amendment had been around back then, you know? He could have taken out Pontius Pilate from a thousand meters away with a sniper rifle, or fought off an entire Roman army with an assault rifle in each hand and dozens of clips of ammo. I believe Jesus only said ‘turn the other cheek’ because, at the time, He didn’t have superior fire power. If He were alive today, Jesus would say ‘turn the safety,’ and mow down God’s enemies with bullets He’d multiply like how He turned a loaf of bread into a feast for hundreds of people.”
Another protester interjected.
“That’s right!” said Linda Robach, 47. “Jesus said to love your neighbor, but only because Jesus didn’t have a shotgun to blow that neighbor’s head clean off in the event of an altercation. Jesus knew you have to be a benevolent lover if you’re not a heavily armed fighter. Being forgiving, loving, and merciful is the only choice when you can’t fill your enemies with holes like Swiss cheese! And Jesus said to treat foreigners like family, but only because Jesus and His disciples couldn’t line the city border of Jerusalem with land mines, hidden machine gun nests, and howitzers. Even cannons weren’t invented yet for another thousand years after Jesus’s lifetime. Which is too bad. If Jesus had just a few modern weapons, He wouldn’t have had to settle for being a metaphysical and metaphorical king. He could have made Himself dictator of the entire Roman Empire, and forced everyone to be good to each other and earn a spot in Heaven with an iron fist!”
Despite the excessive number of weapons present at the protest, other demonstrators argued that they were the ones being threatened, not the Democratic lawmakers inside the capitol.
“My rights are being infringed, and the Second Amendment is the only thing that keeps me and my family safe!” yelled Tim Larkin, 42. “America is under assault by secularists, social justice warriors, Muslims, feminists and the gays, and I need my three AR-15s to defend my family! The liberal feminists are trying to turn my wife lesbian by claiming that women are capable of having orgasms. That’s a bald lie! Some women just can’t. My wife has never had one! And the Black Lives Matter terrorists are trying to turn her black! I don’t want to be forced into having a biracial marriage. I’ll be cold and in the ground before I let all the mixed-race couples convert my white wife into an African-American! And don’t I have a right to keep my kids white? The Democrats are trying to force my daughters to take a hundred communist COVID vaccines from Dr. Fauci until my kids’ DNA turns Chinese! And Joe Biden is filling up this country with millions of illegal Mexicans every day! I’m not racist, but I will never consent to my grandkids being Mexicans, even if the liberals brainwash either of my daughters to fall in love with one! And the religious persecution has never been this bad in the history of America! We’re Christians, but the Muslims keep trying to come to our house, sign us up to take pilot training courses, buy us plane tickets to Washington D.C., make us wear suicide bomber jackets, and force us to fly the planes into the Pentagon! But I’ll never go along with their plans! I’m a patriot who loves our American republic! Which is why I’m here pointing my guns at the state government and all the Democrats this state keeps electing. They’re the real domestic terrorists, not me!”
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