Insane Texts Have Already Been Found On Alex Jones’s Phone

Dash MacIntyre
4 min readAug 4, 2022


Photo is a screenshot from this Law & Crime Network video

In his trial against the Sandy Hook families, Alex Jones’s lawyer accidentally gave the opposing lawyer the entirety of the contents of Jones’s phone, and didn’t follow up on retracting or protecting any of the data.

Now the phone, a treasure trove of insanity and possible criminal evidence in other crimes — including the January 6th insurrection coup attempt — is available for other law enforcement subpoenas.

It will take quite some time to comb through all the phone’s contents, but these are the early nuggets found so far in his texts:

  • To Eric Trump: “Can I get in on some of your charity fraud? These Sandy Hook lawsuits are ruining me financially. Maybe I should switch my focus from kids in school shootings to kids with cancer. Give me a ring!”
  • To Roger Stone: “You vet your orgies, right? I don’t want any Reptilian shapeshifters shooting their demon semen loads into my eyes. I have enough STDs already, I’m not trying to get some extra-terrestrial chlamydia on top of all the others!”
  • To Rudy Giuliani: “Hey Rudy, if you’re trying to get your hair to grow back, don’t do that hair dye crap. I have some supplements on that are guaranteed to reverse hair loss. But definitely read the side-effects first. The chemicals it uses are banned in most of Europe.”
  • To Donald Trump: “Hey, before you go to North Korea to meet with Kim Jong Un, I can teach you some karate moves. They all know it over there. Better to be safe than sorry. I once took on 50 Koreans by myself who Hillary and the United Nations paid to make me disappear. The trick is to get naked and rub baby oil all over yourself so they can’t grab you.”
  • To Bill Barr: “Can you investigate my bitch ex-wife to get her off my back? These alimony payments are killing me because her lawyers really wrecked me. I think they’re gay and upset that I found out about their gay frog experiments with the chemtrails. Their Gay Mafia paid off the judge to f*ck me. I’m paying alimony for kids I don’t even get to see. Can you believe my bitch ex-wife called me mentally unstable? Me! Mentally unstable! I’m not even sure they’re my kids. They might be government false flag…



Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.