Women, Brown People, Or LGBTQ+: The GOP Says Candidates Can Now Only Hate One Group Per Election

The GOP has new rules for candidates to try and limit extremists from winning primaries.

Photo by Gage Skidmore

The Republican Party’s top donors have reportedly voiced concerns to the Republican National Committee (RNC) that an alarming number of radical MAGA and QAnon extremists are winning in GOP primary elections across America, and threatening to prevent the GOP from winning majorities in the House and Senate if they lose winnable elections in November.

The donors have been begging the RNC to institute new rules on which candidates receive party funding to help prevent some of the craziest, fringe conservatives from defeating Congressional incumbents and much more mentally balanced candidates.

The RNC apparently listened, because this morning top Republican officials released a new memo for GOP primary candidates to follow in order to be eligible to continue receiving party campaign funds:

REVISED 2022 Campaign Playbook

1. You can campaign against independent women and their liberated vaginas, immigrants and ethnic minorities, or the LGTBQ+ community, but not all three. We are alienating too many demographics too often with our strictly straight-white-male identity politics, so you now have to specialize in terms of your cultural biases. Please, please narrow down your bigotry to only one or two choice groups at the max.
2. We are instituting a new zero-tolerance policy against publicly using words, phrases, and figures of speech that even most conservative voters consider racist these days. From now on, all RNC funding will be immediately revoked if you get caught publicly saying any of the following words: [See attached list of 250 Banned Words Concerning Race, Sex, Gender, Sexual Orientation, But Particularly Race]. And this is not a definitive list! Please help us here. We’ll never convince ethnic minorities and educated women to vote Republican unless we pretend in public that we believe they’re valuable assets to their communities.
3. There is no such thing as legitimate rape. Also, it looks bad when we suggest that women should thank God for being impregnated after being…