Women Across The US Vow To Make Republicans Pay In 2024

Dash MacIntyre
4 min readSep 24


Photo by Alexander Aashiesh on Unsplash

Women across America are sharing the hashtag “#MakeRepublicansPay,” and vowing to defeat the GOP up and down the ballot in the coming elections to punish them for their draconian misogynistic laws outlawing abortion.

These are the following GOP-sponsored bill proposals in Congress that US women are most angry about:

  • The creation of a new “DMV” called the Department of Menstrual Vaginas to oversee the rationing of feminine care products, where women must go each month, take a numbered ticket, and wait in long lines before receiving the five tampons OR five pads rationed to them each month by very surly, fundamentalist Christian employees.
  • All girls and women in America must modify their period schedules so that, from now on, they all start bleeding on the 15th of each month so it’s easier for police, GOP legislators, husbands, and fathers to track pregnancies and investigate possible abortions.
  • “Big Science” must officially announce that the clitoris and G-spot are a hoax, and scientists must stop profiting off the lie that women can enjoy any form of sex for non-procreative purposes.
  • A national program in public schools where girls, starting in the third grade, will be given a government-issued and “WWJD” stamped chicken egg to bring everywhere they go to teach them about the importance of protecting fetuses. If anything happens to the egg, their parents will be fined $35 to replace it, and they will have to spend all morning waiting in line at the DMV (Department of Menstrual Vaginas) to get the new egg.
  • A budget expenditure of a $100 million grant split amongst several, select doctors to begin research on finding biological processes with which men can carry and birth babies instead of women on account of how much more trustworthy and dependable men are over women to not abort babies.
  • A program for poor and ethnic minority pregnant women to check in with a “pregnancy compliance officer” every two weeks.
  • A new medical regulation that doctors must tattoo tally marks on women’s wrists when they go for their first pregnancy checkups so that everyone can compare how many times in their lives they were…



Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.