Why Texas Seceding (Again) Would Be Incredibly Stupid

Dash MacIntyre
4 min readJun 21, 2022
Photo by Joshua J. Cotten

Just like believing that tax cuts for the rich will magically trickle down wealth to poor people, that Iran will voluntarily give up its nuclear ambitions if America “shows strength,” or that more guns everywhere will reduce gun violence, Texan secession can be tossed into the bin of Republicans’ absurdly dumb ideas.

Here’s a non-exclusive handful of reasons why:

1. If Texas became a foreign country, any Texan business that would want to stay American would leave, and Delaware would be an inviting place to go, as it has some of the most advantageous incorporation laws similar to Texas. This would lead to a crippling economic recession in Texas as its exiting corporations and businesses would likely take their employees with them, or cause a huge spike in Texan unemployment. The Texan government would then be on the hook for the surge in unemployment benefits (if it wanted to avoid catastrophic hunger, poverty, and homelessness) at the same time that the large number of Texans emigrating to America would collapse the Texan housing market. You couldn’t even guess what cascade of possible economic failures would follow that double-whammy.

2. Texan secession would be a giant betrayal of all the conservatives remaining in America. The 38 dependable Texan electoral votes would evaporate from the Republican…

--

--

Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.