SASSY!

When Trump Complained About “Harassment,” Pelosi Asked Him What He Was Wearing When It Happened

Dash MacIntyre

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Official US Embassy photo (cropped) by Archibald Sackey/Courage Ahiati | via Flickr.com Public Domain CC 1.0

The following is a recently leaked transcript of Nancy Pelosi’s end of the phone call Donald Trump made to her complaining about “presidential harassment” after the House voted to impeach him the first time over his blackmail of Ukraine to find dirt on Joe Biden:

“Mr. President, I’m very sorry to hear you’ve been harassed. … Well what were you wearing when it happened? … Maybe you should have covered up more. … I’m not happy that members of Congress treat presidents the way they do, but unfortunately that’s the world we live in… You have to be smart about when and where you solicit campaign assistance, and how you present yourself. Some Congressional members can’t control themselves when they see a vulnerable president to prey on, and it’s up to you to not put yourself in situations where you can be impeached. … If you don’t like being harassed, maybe don’t wear so much makeup. You know what impression you make on some aggressive senators when you wear so much orange makeup. If you doll yourself up like that every day, people are going to think you’re asking for it. They might misinterpret your intentions based on what you’re showing off. … Were you snorting Adderall? If you did anything to impair your judgment, you have only yourself to blame for being impeached. Only you can ensure no one impeaches you without your consent by staying vigilant and never letting your guard down. … Were you alone when it happened? A president should never go out alone and let himself get cornered into an impeachment. … Did you ever leave your quid pro quo somewhere, or take your eyes off it? You can’t ever leave your quid pro quo unattended, even for a moment. You may think it’s okay to turn your head, or leave it for just a minute, but then, before you know it, you’ve been impeached… It just seems to me like you set yourself up to be impeached by not taking the appropriate precautions to protect yourself, Donald!”

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.