Trump’s 8 Excuses For Not Texting The J6 Rioters To Leave

(Official White House Photo by Tia Dufour listed as Public Domain CC 1.0)

Donald Trump is responsible for the insurrection attempt on January 6th by inviting the rioters to D.C., riling them up and inciting them to storm Congress to “stop the steal,” and refusing to ask his supporters to leave the Capitol while they were assaulting and killing police officers and looking for Mike Pence to publicly hang him.

Now that the January 6th Committee is investigating his criminal culpability, Trump has offered several excuses for why he was derelict in his presidential duty:

• “I was praying! You know me, no one’s a bigger lover of God, Jesus, and the Holy Goblin, or whatever the third one is. I had my nose deep into a Bible because anyone who knows me knows that every afternoon after lunch from 1pm to 4pm I’m doing intense Bible studying! On January 6th I was reading the Book of Prophesies, which I remember very clearly because I found a prophesy in there that predicted the 2020 election would be stolen from a wise king with gold hair and big hands, which obviously refers to me!”
• “I was talking to a guy in Kenya, and finding out some real interesting things about Obama’s birth certificate that will blow your mind when I reveal them… in two weeks!”
• “I was calling all my favorite charities and giving them big, tremendous donations over the phone.”