DADA!

Trump Wants To Host (And Win) A “Dictators Only” Golf Tournament

Dada news headlines from the first half of May!

Dash MacIntyre
4 min readMay 20, 2024

--

Photo by mk. s on Unsplash
  • Donald Trump says he will end the Ukraine War and convince China not to invade Taiwan by beating Putin and Xi in a “Dictators Only” themed golf tournament he’ll host at his NJ Bedminster golf course next year.
  • Arizona women are protesting their legislature’s reversion to an 1864 abortion law by mailing used tampons to their state legislators with signed certificates that say, “Proof of no abortion, April 2024.”
  • Donald Trump is reportedly furious with his lawyers for misleadingly telling him the judge’s gag order meant he couldn’t testify in his defense, and, after shouting, “What, you think I’ll incriminate myself?” the lawyers just stared at him silently for several seconds.
  • Donald Trump claims that while sitting in court for three weeks he actually thought up an Obamacare replacement plan.
  • Ted Cruz reportedly wants to be seen on television outside Trump’s courtroom, but Trump won’t let him come.
  • Donald Trump reportedly asked his lawyers somberly during a meeting this weekend, “I’m gonna go to jail, aren’t I?”
  • Donald Trump claims his gag order in his NY trial means he…

--

--

Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.