Things Trump Has Stained With Ketchup Other Than The White House Walls
3 min readJul 4, 2022
The following are all objects, foods, and people on which Donald Trump has indulged himself smearing with ketchup at one moment or another:
- Every wall in the White House
- Every wall in Mar-a-Lago
- Virtually every square inch of his childhood bedroom
- The Secret Service agent who refused to drive him to Congress to join the January 6th insurrection coup
- The White House lawyers who took his cell phone away on January 6th so he couldn’t tweet out “I demand the hanging of Mike Pence #MAGA”
- Well-done steak
- Well-done hotdogs
- Well-done salmon filets
- Well-done sushi stuffed with cream cheese after it was deep-fried in tempura batter.
- Caesar salads
- Eric and Don Jr. on a weekly basis to show them very graphically he wishes he had aborted them
- Sunburned skin to revitalize and nourish the damaged cells
- On hot summer days he’ll put a bottle of ketchup in the freezer and when it’s cold he’ll smear it all over his naked body to cool off
- His bald head to stimulate hair growth
