There Is Nothing Sexier Than Whispering In My Ear, “I Vote Democratic”

Dash MacIntyre


Photo by Olga Korolenko on Unsplash

It’s very funny how often conservative men complain about dating being hard because women are disgusted in Republican politics and Donald Trump. Liberal men have it easier dating women because they’re not morons impressed by the patriarchal totalitarianism of a blatantly fascist, sexist, racist demagogue who has literally been judged in a court of law by a jury of his peers to be a sexual criminal.

So if conservative men can’t get a date, maybe try being liberal and consider some political issues from a perspective not your own for a change! It really turns on women if you’re not a dummy supporting a wannabe dictator and other sociopathic billionaires who don’t actually care about you or America at all!

Then you can whisper in your crush’s ears, “I vote straight-ticket Democrat,” and not be ghosted!

Here are some other things you can whisper in women’s ears to turn them on:

Liberals want your life to not suck.

Unions made your life not suck.

Make America Idealistic Again.

Privatize corporate losses, not profits.

Earth would never vote Republican.

It’s okay to call anti-vaxxers stupid because they’re helping babies get the measles.

Fascists’ victories are always as pyrrhic as their failures are inevitable.

Don’t burn out. Stay informed. Stand up to the status quo exploiters.

I’m liberal because I’m not a selfish moron.

Get conservatives high: it turns them liberal for an hour!

I support the LGBTQ+ community because other people being happy makes me happy, and I am not a sociopath.

Read, write, and share banned books. If conservatives have banned them, you KNOW they’re good!

Higher estate taxes means less douchey trust fund babies.

If we really ran the government like a business, we’d fire most of the red states for underperforming.

From the environment to healthcare, if someone’s getting rich you’re getting screwed.



Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.