The Questions Trump Is Asking Potential 2nd Term Appointees Are Deranged

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Donald Trump’s Official Application To Be In His 2nd Term, Which Is Certain To Again Accomplish More Than Lincoln, Washington, And All The Other Presidents Combined:

• In 500 words or more, explain why Donald Trump was a better president than all the others combined. [If you don’t include Trump’s name in every sentence he’s will get bored and not finish reading it.]
• Do you think Trump could date Ivanka if she weren’t his daughter, and why?
• If you have a law degree, are you willing to be disbarred in service of Trump’s legal defense with some light obstruction of justice, witness intimidation, and/or perjury?
• Please list three “outside-the-box” ideas for how Trump can delay his criminal trials until after the 2024 election.
• If Trump was to give you a box of documents for safekeeping, where would you hide it from the FBI’s prying eyes?
• What are your thoughts on the hypothetical hanging of Mike Pence or other former Trump Administration staffers?
• Are you good at determining the difference between high-end hotels and landscaping companies?
• List all the Russians you are on good terms with, and detail how closely connected to Vladimir Putin they are.