The Questions Trump Is Asking Potential 2nd Term Appointees Are Deranged

Dash MacIntyre
3 min readFeb 16, 2024
Photo by Scott Graham on Unsplash

Donald Trump’s Official Application To Be In His 2nd Term, Which Is Certain To Again Accomplish More Than Lincoln, Washington, And All The Other Presidents Combined:

  • In 500 words or more, explain why Donald Trump was a better president than all the others combined. [If you don’t include Trump’s name in every sentence he’s will get bored and not finish reading it.]
  • Do you think Trump could date Ivanka if she weren’t his daughter, and why?
  • If you have a law degree, are you willing to be disbarred in service of Trump’s legal defense with some light obstruction of justice, witness intimidation, and/or perjury?
  • Please list three “outside-the-box” ideas for how Trump can delay his criminal trials until after the 2024 election.
  • If Trump was to give you a box of documents for safekeeping, where would you hide it from the FBI’s prying eyes?
  • What are your thoughts on the hypothetical hanging of Mike Pence or other former Trump Administration staffers?
  • Are you good at determining the difference between high-end hotels and landscaping companies?
  • List all the Russians you are on good terms with, and detail how closely connected to Vladimir Putin they are.
  • If you see Trump cheating at golf, will you keep your mouth shut?
  • If you see Trump cheating on Melania, will you keep your mouth shut?
  • Describe Trump’s hand size in 100 words or less.
  • Do you have any Obamacare replacement ideas that would be cheaper and cover more people?
  • Will you vow to never invoke the 25th Amendment to remove Trump from the presidency, no matter what dictatorial powers he tries to take?
  • What is your best guess where Hillary Clinton’s email server is?
  • Do you have any dirt or blackmail on Democrats, Republican members of Congress, or Evangelical pastors with big congregations (Lindsey Graham, Matt Gaetz, and Kevin McCarthy excluded because we have more than enough on them already)?
  • Give three recommendations for people you think would be willing to pay for a pardon…

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.