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TALENT SHOW MISHAP
The NRA’s Wayne LaPierre Shot Himself While Juggling Loaded Guns
The National Rifle Association’s Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre accidentally shot himself in the foot today while onstage at a Dallas gun convention performing both the keynote speech and a magic act consisting of dazzling gun-related tricks.
“Libtards think guns are unsafe, but that’s because they’re pansies!” LaPierre said, spinning a rifle in the air and catching it to both showcase his color guard talents and prove that guns aren’t at all dangerous.
An assistant then brought out several pistols LaPierre showed the audience before loading them, and dramatically turning off their safeties with a pirouette and a leg kick high above his head. He then began balancing the loaded pistols in a tower on his chin, and he managed to stack three. Next, he pulled an AR-15 out of a hat, and flowers out of its muzzle. Then his assistant brought out a basketball hoop, and LaPierre tossed the pistols into it.
“Totally safe!” he shouted after sinking an impressive downtown three-pointer. “Nothing but net!”
Then LaPierre started juggling the three pistols in the air, as his assistant gradually handed him more. After a minute he was juggling five.
