MEDICAL ADVICE FROM FACEBOOK

The MAGA Anti-Vaxxer’s COVID Survival Guide

Dash MacIntyre

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4 min read

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Dec 30, 2023

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1. Don’t wash your hands! Germs spread much more easily when your hands have been recently washed because your skin acts like a Slip ’N Slide on which the germs can slide off your fingers when you gesture with your hands right into vulnerable entry points of your body like your eyes, nose, and mouth.
2. Sneeze into your palms so you can keep any germs and bacteria locked away in your closed fists until you can throw them away the next time you pass a trash can.
3. Pray every night and morning. God will never let a good Christian patriot in America get a godless, communist illness from China like COVID!
4. Cough on people’s faces to help clean each other. The wind force power generated by your lungs will blow off any germs lurking on your friends’ and family members’ faces they don’t even know are hiding there. Your lungs clean the air in your body, so any air coughed out on others’ faces is likely much cleaner than the air all around us.
5. Stand very close to strangers in public places. When a bunch of human bodies are clumped together, you have better odds that the coronavirus will choose to infect someone other than you. This herding strategy works for zebras on the Serengeti protecting themselves from lions, and it will protect you…