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The Governor Who Cried “Woke”

A fable about the importance of not being a liar.

Dash MacIntyre
3 min readApr 27, 2023
Credit: Gage Skidmore | gageskidmore.com | via Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)

There once was a governor named Ron who was bored as he sat in his governor’s office eating pudding with his fingers. One day to amuse himself, after licking his chocolatey fingers clean, he took a big breath and shouted out, “Woke! Woke! Woke is coming to groom the children and turn our beer gay!”

The town people of Tallahassee immediately came running up the Florida Capitol building steps to help the governor drive the Woke away. But when they arrived at the top of the stairs, they found no Woke anywhere, just the governor laughing at the sight of their alarmed faces.

“Don’t cry ‘Woke’, Governor,” said the town people of Tallahassee, “when there’s no Woke!” Then the town people went grumbling back down the stairs.

Later that day, the governor shouted out again, “Woke! Woke! The Woke is coming to make white people feel bad about slavery and convince our women they should have bodily autonomy!” To his nasty delight, Ron watched the town people of Tallahassee run up the stairs again to help him drive the Woke away.

When the town people found, again, no Woke, they sternly told Ron, “Save your frightened cries for when there is really some Woke mob coming! Don’t cry ‘Woke’ when there is no Woke around anywhere!”

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Dash MacIntyre
Dash MacIntyre

Written by Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.

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