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The 18 Most Deranged Reveals From Trump’s Criminal Trials

Dash MacIntyre

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Photo by Tim Hüfner on Unsplash
  • Trump’s lawyers asked the prosecution teams to include Trump’s name in every paragraph of his indictments so they could get him to actually read through them.
  • Trump clogged a courthouse toilet trying to flush notes from his lawyer.
  • Trump told his lawyers near an unintentionally hot mic loud enough for courtroom witnesses to hear him that if Ron DeSantis, Nikki Haley, Chris Christie, or any other Republican primary candidate wins Iowa or New Hampshire, he’ll “do another January 6th” in Des Moines or Concord.
  • Trump has mouthed, “I’m going to kill you,” at several witnesses.
  • Trump told the jury he can’t go to jail because his son Barron needs him. He faked wiping a tear away with a handkerchief, and then pointed to a boy in the audience who was not Barron. He asked the boy, “Aren’t we so incredibly close, Barrom? Tell them, tell these mean people how much you love your dear pa-pa.” Trump’s lawyers then called out “Objection!” and the judge gaveled for order in the courtroom and threatened Trump with contempt of court if he’d try to address any other members of the gallery.
  • Melania has attended most of her husband’s trial dates, and has always sat in the back of the room watching with a big smile on her face starkly contrasting the typical dour face she maintains when around her husband.
  • Trump has called Mike Pence a “pussy who could have done a very loyal thing” during all of his opening statements so far, and vowed to make Pence the very first entrant into his second term concentration camps.
  • Sean Hannity, Lindsey Graham, and Jim Jordan have all broken down into tears on Fox programming while describing how unfair the justice system is being to Trump.
  • The judge struck down the Trump legal team’s demand to see the long-form birth certificates of every member of the jury.
  • Eric Trump attended only one of his father’s court appearances, but got banned from the rest after he repeatedly stood up in the middle of the audience galley and yelled out, “Objection!” or “Overruled!” at inappropriate times.
  • Trump asked to go to the bathroom, then snuck past his security…

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.