Steve Bannon’s Demands For The J6 Committee Just Leaked!

Dash MacIntyre
2 min readJul 11, 2022
Photo by Michael Vadon

Steve Bannon is reportedly offering to testify for the January 6th Committee, but has the following demands:

  • He doesn’t have to shower or shave before the hearing
  • He can bring a 30-pack of beer and drink as many as he wants during his testimony
  • He can present his 90-minute slideshow presentation on “Jewish Conspiracies Going Back To The Peloponnesian War
  • He can bring his own film crew to shoot footage for his upcoming documentary “January 6th Was Just A Test Run For Destroying The US Government
  • He can be barefoot to air out a foot fungus condition he’s currently treating
  • He can wear an SS Nazi uniform he bought last year
  • Any lizards on the January 6th Committee have to take off their human masks and reveal themselves as extra-terrestrial reptiles
  • Congress must name a post office in his honor
  • Joe Biden must pardon him for his fraudulent “Build the Wall” fundraiser that stole tens of thousands of dollars from gullible MAGA fans
  • He will be gifted one lock of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s hair
  • Congress must exempt him from paying alimony to his “bitch ex-wives”
  • Someone must deliver some of his feces in a bag to Dr. Fauci’s porch, light it on fire, and then ring the doorbell
  • Congress must earmark $10,000 for his White Sperm Doomsday Vault project
  • Nancy Pelosi must allow Marjorie Taylor Greene to become chairwoman of a newly created “Anti-Zionist Satellite Committee”
  • When he goes to the bathroom, he doesn’t have to wash his hands
  • The IRS must agree not to audit any of his tax returns over the last ten years, or investigate the funding that Chinese billionaire Guo Wengui has gifted his media companies
  • Hillary Clinton has to agree to stop sneaking into his dreams and seducing him
  • Congress must approve a protest permit for a demonstration he wants to lead around Congress for white supremacists on election day in November
  • The Congressional gift store must start selling his book “How To Start A 4th Reich In America
  • Liz Cheney must send him 5 photos of her feet, no questions asked

[Check out my book “Satire In The Trump Years: The Best Of The Halfway Post” available on Barnes & Noble and Amazon!]

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.