BREAKING NEWS!

Someone In The FBI Leaked What Was Found At Mar-A-Lago!

(Modified Official White House Photo by Shealah Craighead listed as Public Domain CC 1.0)

An unprecedented government leak revealed some of the things found at Mar-a-Lago during the FBI’s search and seizure of evidence relating to the investigation into Trump’s mishandling of classified documents:

• Senator Lindsey Graham tied up and locked inside a dog kennel in the basement
• Thousands of McDonalds receipts going back to the 1970s
• A big box labeled “Blackmail on Kevin McCarthy”
• An “Enemies List” which contained hundreds of people’s names, media organizations, entire countries, and inanimate objects such as windmills and “the water pressure”
• Sean Hannity asleep in Trump’s bed wearing Trump’s clothes for some reason
• A term paper he wrote in high school about how genius and clever Hitler’s propaganda strategy was to tell nonstop lies about everyone and everything, and then refer to all the fact-checkers as “fake news” and “enemies of the people”
• A copy of “The American Government For Dummies” that looked like it was never opened or read from with a post-it note on the cover that said “From Obama, Best of Luck”
• Papers with Sharpie marker outlines of people’s hands Trump apparently drew to compare to the outline of his…