OOPS

Several “Good Guys With Guns” Got Shot By Other “Good Guys With Guns”

Photo by Max Kleinen on Unsplash

During a crazy mixup in an Oklahoma City shopping mall today, an accidental gunshot from an otherwise law-abiding citizen set off a chain reaction of several other gun-related incidents.

Four area men were involved, and three of them suffered non-life-threatening wounds after believing the mall was under attack from armed delinquents.

“It all started when my gun accidentally discharged,” explained Ralph Stoddard. “I have a concealed carry permit, and I’m usually so good at leaving the safety on, but this time I must have forgotten. I was in the Big & Tall store and my handgun fired from its holster while I was trying on sweatpants.”

“When I heard that gunshot, I decided I would be the famed good guy with a gun you hear about in the news sometimes,” said Keith Foster. “It sounded like the gunshot was fired in the Big & Tall store, so I got out my handgun and ran inside. Once inside, I could see a guy coming out of the dressing rooms looking suspicious, so I opened fire! I guess it turned out later that he was just embarrassed, and was trying to act like he wasn’t the one who fired the gun, but, at the time, while I was assessing the situation, I figured he was a terrorist who had just shot a customer or store employee or something. So I crouched behind a rack of clothes near the front of the store, and I shot him in the leg!”

“Well, apparently I didn’t hear the first shot because I had just purchased a jumbo pretzel, but I saw the second guy run into the store and heard him fire his gun, so I figured he was a terrorist,” explained Terry Phillips. “I knew I had to protect the mall and be a good guy with a gun myself. I ran up, assessed the situation, and realized I was in a do-or-die situation with the guy, so I shot him where he was crouching behind a mannequin and a rack of clothes. The bullet grazed his ribs and knocked him down, and I ran up and grabbed his gun so he would be neutralized as a threat. That’s when he started screaming that he was the good guy with a gun. But then the other guy in the store started insisting that he was a good guy with a gun too. So I was just standing there trying to figure out who was telling the truth, and whether I should preemptively shoot both of them, when…