AMERICA FIRST!

Send The Trumps Back To Where They Came From

Germany was not sending its best when Frederick Trump came here in 1885

Dash MacIntyre
3 min readNov 4, 2023

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The Trump family is unAmerican. They hate democracy, have no respect for our culture of peaceful transitions of power, and never pay taxes. They don’t belong here, and are past due for going back to where they came from.

When Donald Trump’s grandfather, Frederick Trump — born with the sketchy, foreign-sounding name Friedrich — came to the US in 1885 so he could avoid compulsory military service, Germany was, frankly, not sending its best people.

Germany was rounding up all its worst people, and sending them here. Germany was laughing at America, and mocking us for our stupidity. Germany was not our friend, believe me. They were killing us economically, and they tried to sabotage us by sending the worst people imaginable here — the Trumps.

It’s true. In 1885 Germany was not sending you or me, they were sending people with lots of problems. And those immigrants brought those problems here. They brought drugs, they brought crime, they were rapists, and some, I assume, were good people. But the Trumps definitely were not good people.

The Trumps were the worst of the worst. They had giant, cantaloupe-sized calves from hauling so many problems on their backs to America. And a lot of people are saying they have hate for us in their hearts, and they want to destroy us. You wouldn’t believe the things the Trumps want to do to America. They really have no respect for us, or our customs, or our way of life. It’s a terrible thing. They say America is the great melting pot, but the Trumps just never mixed in. They kept their alien traditions of lying, and cheating, and stealing, and crying wolf over election fraud, and inciting violent coups.

I’ve read the reports of the border guards back in the 1880s, and everyone was talking about it. They wrote all about the nasty immigrant Trumps we were getting. They couldn’t believe the Trumps we were getting. We had no protection, and no competence. The Trumps came over to lie to us, and not pay our contractors, and sexually assault us, and defraud our banks, and sell worthless steaks, and scar our city skylines, and declare…

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.