CREEPY EATER ALERT!
- He eats pudding cups with three fingers.
- He eats spaghetti with just ketchup for the sauce, and also uses no utensils for this meal. He just grabs handfuls of noodles, and smashes it into his mouth flinging ketchup all over his clothes.
- He eats little cups of applesauce by taking off his shoes and socks, and then uses three toes as a spoon that he then lifts toward his mouth with his two hands. He struggles mightily because he’s not very flexible, and the exertions often make him fart at the same time.
- He pours soups into one of his cute, white rain boots, and then holds it up to his mouth and sips at it.
- For a guy who is really anti-gay, he suspiciously eats lots of raw hotdogs with no buns or condiments. He likes to pinch one end with his fingers and see if he can poke his uvula with the other end, and sometimes enjoys just swallowing the hotdogs whole.
- His favorite pizza topping is sauerkraut.
- He likes to eat lasagna with his hands clasped behind his back and bury his entire face into the pasta layers.
- His favorite snack is celery, and his staffers say he chews on it like a rabbit.
- On Fridays, as a part of his “casual Friday” routine, he brings in sandwiches with just mayonnaise and whipped cream in the middle.
- He never eats any food that is blue, because he believes antioxidants are “Woke.”
Check out my brand new poetry book Cabaret No Stare, available now on Amazon.