Republicans: “I’m Not A Doctor, But…”

(Photo by Ahmed Adly.)
  • “I’m not a lawyer, but Trump deserves to have his frivolous election lawsuits alleging rampant voter fraud litigated.”
  • “I’m not a biologist, but evolution isn’t real and the fossil record is a hoax, and microevolution might be real but macroevolution is definitely an atheist scam to sell books.”
  • “I’m not a scientist, but I don’t believe in climate change, and if it’s real then humans aren’t causing it, and if we are we can’t destroy the economy to do anything about it, and if we can then we shouldn’t because we’re not communist.”
  • “I’m not a doctor, but quarantines and shutdowns won’t do anything to stop the spread of COVID.”
  • “I’m not a doctor, but wearing masks blocks oxygen and is more dangerous than COVID.”
  • “I’m not a doctor, but social distancing will stop us from being around germs and wreck our immune systems!”
  • “I’m not a doctor, but people don’t understand the COVID vaccines so we shouldn’t mandate them.”

Housekeeping!

This week I got a comedy piece published by The Haven:

Poems:

Secret Shopper In The Church

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Dash MacIntyre

Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post, and is publishing comedy lots of places. Follow THP on Twitter to read my Dada journalism.