Remember When Alex Jones’s Lawyer Accidentally Leaked All His Texts?

Here’s a reminder that America’s biggest conspiracist is also an idiot.

Credit: Gage Skidmore | gageskidmore.com | via Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)

The following are texts found on the phone of Alex Jones between the years of 2017 and 2022 that his lawyers, in an act of spectacular negligence, failed to keep protected and accidentally let get publicly released:

• To Eric Trump: “Can I get in on some of your charity fraud? These Sandy Hook lawsuits are bleeding me dry! Maybe I should switch my focus from kids in school shootings to cancer kids. Call me back, bud.”
• To Roger Stone: “You vet your orgies, right? I don’t want any secret Reptilian shapeshifters shooting their demon semen loads into my eyes. I’ve had enough STDs already, I’m not trying to get some extra-terrestrial chlamydia on top of the Earth one!”
• To Donald Trump: “Hey, if you end up going to North Korea to meet with Kim Jong Un about that Pyongyang Riviera real estate idea you had, I can teach you some karate moves in case the North Koreans don’t want to play ball with you. They all know karate over there. Better to be safe than sorry. I once took on 50 Koreans by myself who Hillary and Nancy Pelosi paid to make me disappear. The trick is to get naked and rub baby oil all over yourself so they can’t latch onto you.”