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MONSTER!
Paul Ryan, Since Leaving Politics, Has Been Bashing The Heads Of Seal Cubs
“I’m so happy for Paul that he’s really going after his dream of bashing out the brains of hundreds of cute, cuddly, big-eyed, cherubic baby seals.”
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan surprised no one when he announced his retirement from Congress just as the GOP was on the cusp of losing its majority in the House of Representatives back in 2018 in an expected electoral midterm shellacking.
However, Mr. Ryan did surprise political observers by announcing he’d spend his retirement pursuing his dream of clubbing baby seals to death in northern Canada.
“I can tell you that Paul achieved his #2 life dream of passing uninhibited tax cuts big enough to balloon the national deficit in order for the mega rich and corporations to horde the profits of the country’s downtrodden laborers at nation-threatening levels of economic inequality,” explained a Ryan confidant in the House, who requested anonymity to candidly discuss the Speaker’s plans, “so I’m so happy for Paul that he’s also getting to achieve his #1 dream of murdering hundreds of cute, big-eyed, cherubic, cuddly baby seals. He bought a one-way ticket to Canada, and he hasn’t stopped clubbing. He told me the other day he won’t stop clubbing their adorable, cartoonish-sized heads until…
