Mitch McConnell Just Sold His Soul To Satan Live On C-SPAN In Exchange For Winning A Senate Majority In November
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell just gave a speech on the floor of the Senate in which he appeared to offer Satan his everlasting soul in exchange for letting Republicans win the Senate this November.
The following is a transcript of the related excerpt of Mr. McConnell’s speech:
“Mr. Speaker, my colleagues on the other side of the aisle have long called me the ‘Grim Reaper of the Senate,’ but you know what? It doesn’t bother me. I actually love the nickname. I consider it a compliment because, as long as I am in the Senate, every attempt the Democrats make to bring their Woke socialism into the American government I will decapitate with my filibustering scythe of obstruction. In fact, if Republicans this November take control of the Senate, the grave is where all their legislative bills, resolutions, and dreams will go.”
McConnell paused briefly to clear his throat.
“As you know, I have pledged myself to stopping the Biden Agenda. Therefore I am prepared right now to do what it takes. I am prepared to offer my soul to the Dark Lord Satan in order for Republicans to net at least one Senate seat in these coming midterm elections so that I can be returned to the position of Senate Majority Leader. Preferably more seats than one, but I will leave it up to Satan to decide in His infinite, evil wisdom how big the GOP’s majority should be. It just has to be a majority. And then he can have my soul. Lucifer, are You listening? I, Addison Mitchell McConnell Jr., renounce my faith in Jesus Christ, and put it instead in You, the august Dark Lord of the Underworld! I will gleefully spend all of eternity in the flames of Hell for two more years of GOP Senate majority power! I just need a little more time to install enough Republican federal judges and Supreme Court Justices to fully turn America into a theocratic-fascist fusion of totalitarian minority control, and my soul is worth making sure the government is corrupted enough for Democrats to never get control of a branch of government ever again, no matter how many more millions of votes they get than Republicans each election! So, Satan, I offer myself as collateral for a GOP victory! Yahweh, I firmly and with…
