Miracle! Thanks To Good Guys With Guns, Only 37 People Died In Crossfire
America has had yet another mass shooting in a church, this time in a suburb outside of Boise, Idaho.
“It was a miracle!” claimed Cynthia Portman, 53, “My husband was one of the good guys with a gun, and thanks to him and the other heroes in our congregation, our church was saved. Thirty-seven churchgoers were killed in the ensuing shootout, and dozens more wounded, but who knows how many people would have been in danger if there weren’t several guns in church!”
One of the good guys with guns, Randall Meeker, 51, recounted his recollection of the event.
“So this sketchy looking dude came walking into the church, and I’m always hyper-aware of threats because I like to periodically do ocular pat-downs of all the people around me,” Meeker explained. “So I assessed the situation, pulled out my two pistols, and started blazing to protect the people around me! He started hiding behind the back pew so I had to run for cover myself on the far end of the church, but of course I was laying down suppressing fire over my shoulder the whole time. I’m not sure if the sketchy dude was using people’s bodies as a shield or whatnot, but I know a lot of community members got hit. But the collateral damage is all that guy’s fault, not mine! Good guys with guns ought to get the same legal…
