Mike Pence: “America Should Thank Trump For Likely Speeding Up The Rapture”
Former Vice President Mike Pence today told reporters this afternoon that Americans do not appreciate everything President Donald Trump did for God.
“Probably no one in America is doing more to speed up the Rapture than Donald Trump,” explained Pence in the beginning of a meandering monologue to the press. “The Democrats made it seem like COVID was a big deal because so many people were dying prematurely, but that’s just like Democrats to question God’s perfect plan, isn’t it? In fact, the more people who die from the Coronavirus means the more likely it is that Jesus will come back to intervene and save everyone from COVID, so he can then snap his fingers, bring about the end times, and send everyone but the chosen few to Hell like as described in my personal interpretation of Revelations. In fact, I support Donald Trump making all of our country’s problems worse with my full, Christian heart. Like any good Republican, I am confident Jesus will come back any day now, possibly any minute now, but certainly in my lifetime. The Democrats call it ‘narcissistic,’ and ‘unprofessional,’ and ‘bad governance’ to be entirely unconcerned with the future, but that’s because the Democrats are all atheists. And, if you ask me, it’s narcissistic of Democrats to care about domestic policy, and foreign policy, and public health as…
