LEAK ALERT!

Mike Johnson’s Secret Deals To Become Speaker Of The House Were Revealed!

House Republicans had a lot of demands for their Speaker voters

Credit: Gage Skidmore | gageskidmore.com | via Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Speaker of the House Mike Johnson was elected by the Republican caucus out of left field, and he reportedly agreed to the following deals with GOP representatives for their votes:

• The House Ethics Committee will be shut down because, as one member phrased it, “The Ethics Committee is made up of a bunch of socialist, boy scouts who keep asking too many questions about why so many of the GOP’s super PAC donations are in Russian Rubles and Saudi Riyals.
• The House Committee on National Security will designate the IRS as a “State Sponsor of Terrorism” for terrifying billionaires, and put all IRS agents on the no-fly list.
• Republicans will authorize funding for 1,000 new welfare auditors over the next ten years to police against people using food stamps to buy name-brand foods.
• C-SPAN cameras are not allowed to zoom in on Lauren Boebert while she’s sitting in the House gallery with dates in case she wants to get a little handsy.
• The House will formally recommend new ethics rules for Supreme Court justices that authorize the GOP’s “Big Brother/Big…