Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Green Flags In Dating

Credit: Gage Skidmore | gageskidmore.com | via Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Marge Green

— 49 years old
— Washington D.C.

You may know me from helping incite an insurrection, but on here I’m only trying to incite an erection, if you catch my drift…

REQUIREMENTS

• THE PERFECT LOVER FOR ME is a mix between Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Benito Mussolini, with a dash of Heinrich Himmler. MUST have strong authoritarian tendencies. I want a man who wants to be a dictator in the country AND in the bedroom, and nothing gets me hotter than a man willing to try a coup.
• UNVACCINATED ONLY. I won’t date any sheep who don’t do their own research, and just blindly trust medical professionals. I only get my medical advice from websites with the word “Freedom” in their URLs.
• MUST BE ACCEPTING OF AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP. I just got divorced, and I’m not ready to settle down anytime soon. Plus, I get invitations to the hottest coke orgies in the D.C. area, and they’re a blast. However, if you want to join, you must have a strong stomach and not be too squeamish because Chuck Grassley eats more ass than the rest of Congress combined.
• MUST KNOW WHAT “FJB” MEANS. I don’t know how, but that’s what I involuntarily shout when we’re knocking boots. You also must be cool with the…