Mar-a-Lago Is Hosting A Music Festival “MAGApalooza” In June

The conservative music and arts festival’s lineup just dropped!

Dash MacIntyre


Photo by Jay Wennington on Unsplash

Advance tickets to the MAGA world’s hottest event go on sale tomorrow. Here’s the lineup:


10pm: DJ Jewish Space Laser

9pm: A big bonfire dance party for attendees to bring and burn books with gay characters, Bud Light cans, anything with a rainbow on it, COVID masks, vaccination records, Nike shoes, bags of M&Ms, school textbooks, solar-powered objects, Colin Kaepernick football jerseys, Ukrainian flags, and top secret documents to be provided by Donald Trump

8pm: A debate on the topic, “Did Hitler have SOME good ideas?” between Nick Fuentes (for the topic) and Tucker Carlson (also for the topic)

7pm: Madison Cawthorn’s Q&A about the GOP coke orgies

6pm: Roger Stone getting a tramp stamp tattoo of Donald Trump’s head under his back tattoo of Richard Nixon’s head

5pm: Kellyanne & The Alternative Facts

4pm: Red Hat Öyster Cult (tribute band)


10pm: Lindsey Graham, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Kevin McCarthy leading a communal blood oath of loyalty to Donald Trump

9pm: A gallows hanging of a life-size sculpture of Mike Pence, then bonfire

8pm: Don Jr. snorting a line of coke on top of a podium, and just kind of seeing what comes out of his mouth

7pm: A pre-recorded PSA from Vladimir Putin on how smart, masculine, and patriotic American conservative men are to stock up on guns and ammo and start a second American civil war.

6pm: Matt Gaetz’ Teen Trumpettes, a high school cheerleading group he sponsors that also sing songs of Donald Trump being a benevolent father figure for the nation

5pm: Jim Jordan conducting an interactive wrestling lesson and guide to various wrestling moves on a blowup doll with a picture of Adam Schiff’s face taped to it

4pm: “Make-Your-Own-Robes Craft Hour” hosted by the northern Florida branch of the Ku Klux Klan



Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.