Mar-a-Lago Is Hosting A Music Festival “MAGApalooza” In June

The conservative music and arts festival’s lineup just dropped!

Dash MacIntyre

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Photo by Jay Wennington on Unsplash

Advance tickets to the MAGA world’s hottest event go on sale tomorrow. Here’s the lineup:

Friday

10pm: DJ Jewish Space Laser

9pm: A big bonfire dance party for attendees to bring and burn books with gay characters, Bud Light cans, anything with a rainbow on it, COVID masks, vaccination records, Nike shoes, bags of M&Ms, school textbooks, solar-powered objects, Colin Kaepernick football jerseys, Ukrainian flags, and top secret documents to be provided by Donald Trump

8pm: A debate on the topic, “Did Hitler have SOME good ideas?” between Nick Fuentes (for the topic) and Tucker Carlson (also for the topic)

7pm: Madison Cawthorn’s Q&A about the GOP coke orgies

6pm: Roger Stone getting a tramp stamp tattoo of Donald Trump’s head under his back tattoo of Richard Nixon’s head

5pm: Kellyanne & The Alternative Facts

4pm: Red Hat Öyster Cult (tribute band)

Saturday

10pm: Lindsey Graham, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Kevin McCarthy leading a communal blood oath of loyalty to Donald Trump

9pm: A gallows hanging of a life-size sculpture of Mike Pence, then bonfire

8pm: Don Jr. snorting a line of coke on top of a podium, and just kind of seeing what comes out of his mouth

7pm: A pre-recorded PSA from Vladimir Putin on how smart, masculine, and patriotic American conservative men are to stock up on guns and ammo and start a second American civil war.

6pm: Matt Gaetz’ Teen Trumpettes, a high school cheerleading group he sponsors that also sing songs of Donald Trump being a benevolent father figure for the nation

5pm: Jim Jordan conducting an interactive wrestling lesson and guide to various wrestling moves on a blowup doll with a picture of Adam Schiff’s face taped to it

4pm: “Make-Your-Own-Robes Craft Hour” hosted by the northern Florida branch of the Ku Klux Klan

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.