MAGA-Palooza Is This Weekend At Mar-A-Lago

The biggest GOP event of the summer!

Dash MacIntyre
4 min readJun 3, 2024

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Photo by Colin Lloyd on Unsplash

Here’s the lineup:

FRIDAY

11pm: Private coke orgies INVITE ONLY *Reminder: Madison Cawthorn is banned for life)

10pm: DJ Jewish Space Laser

9pm: A big bonfire dance party for attendees to bring and burn books with gay characters, Bud Light cans, anything with a rainbow on it, COVID masks, vaccination records, Nike shoes, bags of M&Ms, school textbooks, solar-powered objects, Colin Kaepernick football jerseys, Ukrainian flags, and stashed top secret documents to be provided by Donald Trump

8pm: A debate on the topic, “Did Hitler have a lot of GOOD ideas?” between Nick Fuentes (for the topic) and Tucker Carlson (also for the topic)

6pm: Roger Stone getting a tattoo of Donald Trump’s head above his back tattoo of Richard Nixon’s head

5pm: Kellyanne & The Alternative Facts

4pm: Red Hat Öyster Cult (MAGA-themed tribute band)

SATURDAY

11pm: Private coke orgies INVITE ONLY (Theme: “God’s Not Watching”)

10pm: Lindsey Graham, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Kevin McCarthy leading a cultist blood oath of personal loyalty to God Emperor Donald Trump…

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Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.