MAGA Christians Say God Made A Big Mistake Letting Biden Win
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The election loss of Donald Trump was a shock to devoutly Christian MAGA fans convinced that Trump’s narrow Electoral College victory over Hillary Clinton in 2016 represented Heavenly endorsement of Trump, and suggested he would get two terms.
“Don’t get me wrong, I have total faith in God’s eternal master plan,” said Benny Daniels, 47, “but I believe God got this one way wrong! Was God asleep? Why didn’t the angels wake Him up and let Him know what was going on when Fox News acted on their well-documented liberal bias to declare Arizona’s electoral votes for Biden? It’s just not like God to make such historic mistakes like letting Democrats win, being all omniscient and omnipotent and all that.”
Other MAGA Christians agreed.
“I’ve been a 100% committed Christian my whole life,” explained Sarah Malcolm, 35, “but, with God screwing this election up and letting communist Joe Biden win, I may have to start shopping around for a new monodeity. I’ve been going to church my whole life, but, if the Woke people have somehow gotten to God and brainwashed him with their Marxist ideology, I’m not about to pray every day to a libtard!”
“Honestly, my whole world has turned upside down,” said Samantha Havers, 28. “How can I have faith in God’s grand, master plan if He would let Democrats win both Senate seats in Georgia and take majority Senate power? And He even let Biden get the same number of electoral votes as Trump got in 2016. That’s just offensive! It’s bad enough God keeps letting Democrats beat Republicans in the popular vote almost every election, but now they’re winning in the Electoral College as well? God has just turned so obnoxious and insufferable all of a sudden!”
“God has been my one and only all these years,” explained Dan Lipp, 41, “but I’ve started doing a little window shopping on some other religions. I’ve started looking into Hinduism a bit, and I have to say I like what I see. One of their gods is Shiva, whose role is to destroy the entire universe, and that sounds like a very attractive deity to worship now that the political party I don’t like is in power in the executive branch. I hope when the universe gets rebuilt anew Shiva won’t let there be any liberals in it! So, starting today, I’m only praying to Shiva. Come on, Shiva, destroy the universe as quickly as You can! I’d prefer that all existence in this universe be ended rather than have the government expand Obamacare or Medicare any further, or raise the minimum wage for the first time in over a decade, or slightly raise estate taxes on billionaire children’s inheritances!”
[Originally published in my book “Satire In The Trump Years: The Best Of The Halfway Post” available on Barnes & Noble and Amazon!]
