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Leaked Secret Service Texts Reveal Wild Things About Trump

Dash MacIntyre
3 min readJul 20, 2022
(Official White House Photo by Tia Dufour listed as Public Domain CC 1.0)

A leak of private messages between Secret Service agents has revealed some very embarrassing details about the agency’s dealings with former President Donald Trump:

  • Trump never once rode in a car with Melania or Barron.
  • When being driven to campaign events, Trump would regularly complain about his supporters’ lackluster “star power,” and accuse Democrats of “rigging Hollywood” to make all the sexy movie stars hate him.
  • Trump regularly tried to choke out his Secret Service drivers when they refused to stop at the McDonalds drive-through citing the security risks.
  • Trump would once a month make the Secret Service drive Kevin McCarthy 45-minutes into the middle of nowhere in Virginia farm country, and leave him there to walk back to D.C.
  • The cloth seats of the cars Donald Trump rode in were regularly stained with orange foundation makeup, ketchup, and blue Adderall dust.
  • Trump was a big fan of the Swedish pop group Abba, and on motorcade rides liked to blast “Dancing Queen” very loudly so he wouldn’t have to listen to advisers read him his presidential briefings or talk about how his low Election 2020 poll numbers suggested he was going to lose.
  • Following every meeting with an Asian diplomat or…

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Dash MacIntyre
Dash MacIntyre

Written by Dash MacIntyre

Comedian, political satirist, and poet. Created The Halfway Post. Check out my comedy book Satire In The Trump Years, and my poetry book Cabaret No Stare.

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