If Women Wrote Laws As Sexist As Republican Men…

Photo by Antonino Visalli

The gutting of Roe Vs. Wade by the new conservative supermajority on the Supreme Court has really turned a page for the Republican Party. Virtually overnight the GOP has punted its Trump-era focus on ruining the lives of brown people and immigrants, and adopted a new, enthusiastic platform of ruining the lives of women.

Say what you will about Donald Trump’s casual misogyny and long history of sexual assault, the GOP’s new nation-wide insistence that women are slavish “vessels” for forced procreation is quite a revolting evolution in Republican policies.

So I thought it would be fun to imagine laws women could write that would be just as horrifying for men as the new GOP laws are for women:

• The Bible says men are not allowed to waste their seed, therefore masturbation will be highly criminalized with minimum punishments of 10 years.
• Men must start paying child support as soon as conception occurs, and the rate must be no less than 50% of their income in accordance with family values.
• Viagra and other erectile dysfunction pills will be banned because they go against God’s plan. Maybe men should thank God for blessing them with tiny, flaccid penises.
• Men must wear jockstraps and protective cups at all times to protect their sperm. Any…